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Ask Alecia: My Bichon Is Fearful of My Boyfriend!

By: Author Paris Permenter

Dear Alecia,

Hi, I brought my 4-year-old bichon from a previous relationship. He was head of the house and lay on the bed and sofa all the time. I tried to stop this but my ex-partner allowed him so never made any progress. My new partner did not agree with this and was quite strict with his discipline of his previous dogs which were German shepherds including sending them to a different room and tapping them on the nose if they did not do what he asks. When we moved in together, my dog went from ruling the house to sleeping in the kitchen and if he went on sofa or bed or disobeyed his command would get tapped on the nose or sent into a different room.

This has now made my dog petrified of my partner. I didn’t agree with his methods and he agreed that his way didn’t work with my dog but now the damage is done. My dog now follows me everywhere in the house when my boyfriend is there. He ignores my boyfriend and walks around in circles when my boyfriend calls him over for cuddles or any attention. He won’t accept treats or if he does he cowers as he takes the treat and if my boyfriend gets him on the sofa for cuddles he jumps up but is very stiff and fearful when being cuddled.

I have tried telling my dog to lie down at a different part of the room in a way to try and make him relax but he then ignores me and continues to follow me around everywhere.

With everybody else he is a very social dog. He is used to lying on sofas and beds which I too would like to stop but don’t know how to do this as this was a large part of the reason my dog is scared of my boyfriend and don’t want to makes matters worse.

Any help and advice will be massively appreciated. –Annaliese

Hi Annaliese,

It does not sound like a lot of fun being in your house at the moment.

Bichons and German Shepherds have very similar needs when being trained but once spoiled or allowed to run the house, bichons will not let you forget the guilt they think you should be feeling as a result of the current events.

It is ok to be consistent with any dog, it is ok to have consequences to action, it is not ok to frighten the dog into hopefully good behavior.

I would start repairing your boyfriend’s relationship with your dog with a doggone sincere apology from your boyfriend to the dog, letting the dog know that although he is still not allowed on the couch or bed, that he is sorry about how he handled the situation.  It may sound funny but dogs truly do understand everything and if the situation is going to improve a simple act of you and your boyfriend asking for forgiveness can go a long way.

Once that happens, next I would advise your boyfriend to stop trying to win the dog back over and just be with the dog.  I would have a treat at all times but don’t try to do anything, just back off and allow the dog to come over when he chooses and walk away when he chooses.  He has to be neutral to reestablish trust in the relationship- so any move he makes right now is going to be seen by the dog as aggressive and offensive.

What I sense about your dog is that he is simply a lover and cuddler and what he really wants is to be able to hang out with you at your level, which can often times be the couch.  Your dog does not think of himself at this point as a dog, more as a human.  So in correcting him, the correction should be about the behavior and not about the dog.

Give it a little more time of just allowing the dog to approach your boyfriend without any expectation of relationship and see how your dog responds.

In addition, I would recommend giving your dog the Bach Flower Essence, Larch to restore his natural confidence.   Try 8 drops in your dogs water 2x per day for 8 days.

Paws Up!  and off the couch.

Alecia

Alecia Evans is the inventor of The Walk In Sync™ Humane Dog Walking and Training System with her exclusive 5 Minute Manners Makeovers using the Walk In Sync™ Harness and Accu-Grip Leash, along with her Walk In Sync™ 3 Easy Steps to teach any human/dog duos to Walk In Sync in just minutes.

The former host of the award-winning GrassRoots Aspen TV Series, The Whole Animal-An Alternative Approach to Animal Care, Alecia takes a natural approach to dog training and health care. Her work has been featured on Fox and Friends, The Sandra Glosser Show, NY 1, and in Aspen Magazine, DogTipper.com, The New York Daily News and Woof Report.

Paris Permenter
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This post originally appeared on DogTipper.com and is the sole property of DogTipper.com.